The Seeked.

Just another day as I walk by a busy street, observing what everyone is up to. It is rather strange, everyone I see has a different place to go. Some walking in 2's, some in groups and some just like me all alone. I wonder, are they really going their different ways? One day everyone has to perish, death is the ultimate destination. Why are we born then? What difference does it make? I remember saying it to a crowd on my farewell day, "The destination doesn't matter, what matters is the journey." Even though I had the most number of applause I lost in that "biased" competition, but then again come to think about it I had a journey full of applause. I mostly learn alot from my past, because sometimes we doubt ourselves, I get the answers from myself, failure doesn't matter if you do not give up. Failure is a mere state of mind. Made the wrong choices all the time yet they were such angelic ones. In the end all I got is hurt but then again a time comes when you go numb and stop letting things bother you.

 I wonder when people think about themselves do they see themselves with a group of people or like how I see myself, a guy all alone who has all the answers, yet drowns in his own solitude. Solitude is not a bad thing you know, I know more about myself and its like I have befriended myself. But there comes a time when I can't comfort myself. That's when its painful. Past few years lost some very close friends who I would share my feelings with, no doubt they have wronged me and I sometimes tend to hit back and forgive. There is a limit to forgiveness, the more I forgive I can conclude I am being a little insecure because then I get back to my solitude. Spending hours just by yourself doesn't seem to be very good. Sigh! Let us hope I one day understand what the hell is going on and this endless cycle of make and breaking ends. For I seek you and only you who understands me...

The Battle Within

After getting bored of studying and watching T.V, I somehow thought of writing a post. I was reflecting on myself and how things have changed with me in these past few years. A guy with such a bad temper that he punches the wall and almost breaks his wrist, I must be crazy and still my hand swells after 10 days. A constant greed of being better than yesterday exists, a constant need of being stronger. A well so deep that it can't be overflown and the only solution is to undo the its existence.

 A well where devils dwell, devils like ego, lust, gluttony, greed live. It just feels like yesterday when all these things never even existed. But now the ego soars high. Love has no trace and no acts of forgiveness shall be displayed with pleasure. I came across this quote that said, An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment,inferiority, lies & ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, & truth." The boy thought about it, and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."  Well as shockingly true as it sounds it got me thinking, there is still a side of in all of us that exists. None of the wolves can be killed, they shall always exist in us, it is which wolf we feed. A wolf that hasn't been fed is almost equivalent to nonexistent. But then again the wolf is hungry and desperate. The wolf with ego will protect you when the time comes, the wolf of love will help you survive every fall. But is love enough? What when love goes on a vacation? Its your ego that will help you sail through the darkest of hours for this wolf dwells in darkness itself. Some would say light alone kills darkness but when there can't be light let the dark wolf cut through the forest of misery.

A battle goes on within us, it reflects the way we are. Feed the darker wolf only when needed and feed the white one always. A king is no good without love neither can he be good without a little ego. Forgive me of this being a little vague to you.