The meat of the eye

  In a dense green forest, there once lived a Tiger. His arms were strong, eyes calm yet so penetrating and had a unique combination of black stripes. Even though he walked swiftly, his presence was always felt by the monkeys on the trees, the birds in the sky, the reptiles in the pond and the rodents in their holes of darkness. A certain vibe of authority and steadiness would reflect upon the ground that he set his paws on. All alone he had the same hunting routine and would spend most of his time on a rock at the edge of a small hill that where he would look over the canopy of the forest.

One day as he marked his territory, there was this certain scent he picked up. A scent his sharp nose never picked up before. As he tried to follow the scent and he spotted firm marks of paws on the wet ground. They belonged to someone of his own kind he realized. Feeling aggressive he went back to his sweet spot on the rock on top of the hill. Licked his paws and flexed his muscles, all ready for a fight. He climbed down and walked towards the flowing stream of a river. As he walked with his head up high he smelt that scent again. The paw marks were there, and his adrenaline was pumping. As he quietly moved towards the stream and hid behind a tree he saw another tiger. He realized she was a female tiger or a tigress. He opened his eyes wide and saw the tigress drink from the stream. He stared as if that was the first tigress he had ever seen. Her beautiful brown eyes, her thin long tongue scraping a part of the water from the stream, the way she gulped down slowly and how she was unbothered of any threat ahead. He kept looking at her, until then she felt his presence. She was ready to lunge back but he simply was hit by shock and ran away as if he saw a ghost. The monkeys were confused too that day, what could have made the tiger run for his life? He went and hid inside his cave and stayed there the entire day.

Each day he would go to the stream when the sun was over head and she would catch him lurking behind the trees. One day he went to the stream and she wasn’t there. Searching for her his eyes scanned through the waterside. A sudden thud from the bushes and there she was, right behind him. His heart was in his mouth and he did not know what to do so he ran like he never ran before unearthing small plants right from their roots. He went into his cave thinking he lost her and sat there in darkness. Suddenly the tigress enters the cave and sleeps at the entrance. He is scared but why he asked himself? He is way stronger than her, but her eyes… the night went by and both were in the same spot. Her occasional yawns would alert him but nothing happened. She went away for a hunt and he left moments after her. As skilled as he was it was just a matter of time that he caught his next prey. A full grown Sambar deer’s life was hanging in between the tiger’s jaws. Then the tigress arrived. The tiger dropped the deer and stepped aside. Too bad the deer was no more, and she started biting off his prey. He roared with anger but stood his ground, she didn’t pay heed. Finally he got the courage and started eating off the deer’s torso, still on high vigil. Two tigers feeding on the same animal at once was quite a rare sight indeed. They ate and sat next to each other with their bellies full, then went to the stream and got themselves rehydrated. After that she went to the other side of the stream. The cycle of meeting her at the river side would continue.

They started having playful fights like they were cubs. Two full grow adults behaving so immaturely, splashing water and holding each other down for brief moments. Even if a single day would pass where one of them wouldn’t come to the stream the day wasn’t complete and the nights even longer. They began hunting together and filling their bellies to the brim. Two days passed and the tiger never showed up at the stream. Worried sick she kept looking for him, unfortunately because of the rains he couldn’t be traced easily. She spent the night at his side of the river and took walks every hour. A loud moan she heard and ran quickly towards it. There he was under a rock. It appeared that his favorite throne of a rock fell because of the rain and he was crushed under it. Only half his side was visible. As he helplessly moaned he knew his bones were crushed and would no longer be able to live for long. She pushed away the rock with all her strength but yet it appeared like as if her tears were moving it. She licked his wounds and ran towards the puddle nearby. Filled her mouth with water and dropped it on his tongue till he was replenished. Later she caught a rabbit and brought it to his mouth, he could barely stand and his beautiful skin was now covered with red because of constant bleeding. He moaned and roared with pain, none of the animals were at peace. She hugged him by her paws trying to comfort him. He looked right into her eyes and he passed away as if it was an honor to die beside her…

Preshit...You are a real man

Yeah yeah, I know am never done with my self praise. So I was feeling a lil off a few days ago and I happened to read my own blog posts saved in draft. I kept smiling through the entire process of reading my own words. How life has changed so much in a matter of months. I was lost a year ago about career choices and now all is stable. That's how I thought about writing a lil today, to be a lil expressive. Not many friends to share you know.

So a few random times I have this thought. What is the mark of a real man? I've had more than a couple females who I have been close to, not all confessed about their love but there was one thing in common. They all said, "You know you are different. Not like other guys. You are a real man." On counter questioning that statement I never really got a proper answer. The more recent one explained it from her perspective and I didn't understand much. Well... To see darkness you need to see the light first. Contrast is necessary for an absolute experience.  A certain "brother like friend" was sent to me. I always was there for him and thought he was just such an innocent child. Poor guy, he is so lost and always drowning within his low self esteem. Until one day! We both were in the same situation. And looking at how he responded in a typical way how an insecure person woul...blah blah blah...basically he back stabbed me. I saw a contrast between his and my actions. Both were hiding something, but I revealed it to save someone which guaranteed me future misery and he revealed it to drown me. Aahh what men have you created father?

So whats the mark of a man? A true man? Money? People can be born rich. Strength? Not cool when I use my strength to kill someone. Intellect? Not cool when I use that to manipulate people. Then what is? A mark of a true man is his morals. He will never shy away from the truth and what is right. If he knows what is right he will never ignore it. As Kakashi Hatake said " To know what is right and choosing to ignore it is a mark of a coward." A real man defends and protects people around him at the cost of his own being. Maybe thats why she said so. I've always kept my significant one's ahead of myself. It has put me through alot of pain but hey I can live with myself when am lonely. I can look me in the mirror and say I'm a good person. Few mistakes I've made but never ignored the truth. I guess thats why she said...Preshit...you are a real man.

Revisiting Rap.

Just saw the trailer of Straight outta Compton for the fifth time today and that shiz is dope man. I am thinking of resuming my rap venture. The power of music with lyrics that hammer down people's brains is pretty awesome. I feel like I may not be able to rap like how I used to but I can still write. I feel I shouldn't waste my talent, not everyone can do this, I want to voice my opinion, what I feel I wanna say it in rhymes. I had a couple of skillfully written songs that sound average cos I ain't got no mic and shit. What if I could just be a voice that let's people see in the dark. Lets see how stuff goes, I will start writing again from Monday (hopefully).

Anger Management

So I had another outburst of anger but luckily this time I didn't break anything physically. What did break is my streak of being calm and composed. Such a shame, I was doing really well, but when I'm angry I just cant think straight. Blood rushes to my head and my arms start tearing with stress, no literally my blood capillaries burst open. Sigh! What triggered it? My ego was hurt and may be it still is but I feel a lil better. People like me do not live for themselves, even though I may spend most of my time alone but most of my actions are done keeping someone else in mind. Ahhh the efforts I put to make someone smile. The question is, what when I need to smile? I wish looking in the mirror did the trick. No matter how much I try to live for myself that just doesn't happen. I have pretty much accepted the fact that I am made to protect the people around me. But what when those who I protect disrespect me? Well, all hell breaks loose in my head. Everything can be fixed but nothing should be ignored. We must face things and try to solve difficult situations with tolerance.

I may have met a certain someone last week. This person had the same frequency as mine. Same emotions, almost the same experiences. The only thing that was different was her way of expressing things. Such intensity on the outside and totally unreasonable. All I did was observe and tap into different parts of her. Saw a new side with every tweak in provocation. She said something and did the complete opposite. Such similarity, when you have too many experiences you can get confused but you use a particular liner for certain situations. Whenever there was a fight, like every 5 minutes, I wouldn't even try to argue. Hey! Its better to lose an argument than losing someone who is insane just like me and I wasn't done observing yet. Perfect yet full of flaws is all I can do to describe both of us.

PS: When I scrolled up to see what title I've given the post, I realized my anger has subsided.

The Seeked.

Just another day as I walk by a busy street, observing what everyone is up to. It is rather strange, everyone I see has a different place to go. Some walking in 2's, some in groups and some just like me all alone. I wonder, are they really going their different ways? One day everyone has to perish, death is the ultimate destination. Why are we born then? What difference does it make? I remember saying it to a crowd on my farewell day, "The destination doesn't matter, what matters is the journey." Even though I had the most number of applause I lost in that "biased" competition, but then again come to think about it I had a journey full of applause. I mostly learn alot from my past, because sometimes we doubt ourselves, I get the answers from myself, failure doesn't matter if you do not give up. Failure is a mere state of mind. Made the wrong choices all the time yet they were such angelic ones. In the end all I got is hurt but then again a time comes when you go numb and stop letting things bother you.

 I wonder when people think about themselves do they see themselves with a group of people or like how I see myself, a guy all alone who has all the answers, yet drowns in his own solitude. Solitude is not a bad thing you know, I know more about myself and its like I have befriended myself. But there comes a time when I can't comfort myself. That's when its painful. Past few years lost some very close friends who I would share my feelings with, no doubt they have wronged me and I sometimes tend to hit back and forgive. There is a limit to forgiveness, the more I forgive I can conclude I am being a little insecure because then I get back to my solitude. Spending hours just by yourself doesn't seem to be very good. Sigh! Let us hope I one day understand what the hell is going on and this endless cycle of make and breaking ends. For I seek you and only you who understands me...

The Battle Within

After getting bored of studying and watching T.V, I somehow thought of writing a post. I was reflecting on myself and how things have changed with me in these past few years. A guy with such a bad temper that he punches the wall and almost breaks his wrist, I must be crazy and still my hand swells after 10 days. A constant greed of being better than yesterday exists, a constant need of being stronger. A well so deep that it can't be overflown and the only solution is to undo the its existence.

 A well where devils dwell, devils like ego, lust, gluttony, greed live. It just feels like yesterday when all these things never even existed. But now the ego soars high. Love has no trace and no acts of forgiveness shall be displayed with pleasure. I came across this quote that said, An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, greed, resentment,inferiority, lies & ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, & truth." The boy thought about it, and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed."  Well as shockingly true as it sounds it got me thinking, there is still a side of in all of us that exists. None of the wolves can be killed, they shall always exist in us, it is which wolf we feed. A wolf that hasn't been fed is almost equivalent to nonexistent. But then again the wolf is hungry and desperate. The wolf with ego will protect you when the time comes, the wolf of love will help you survive every fall. But is love enough? What when love goes on a vacation? Its your ego that will help you sail through the darkest of hours for this wolf dwells in darkness itself. Some would say light alone kills darkness but when there can't be light let the dark wolf cut through the forest of misery.

A battle goes on within us, it reflects the way we are. Feed the darker wolf only when needed and feed the white one always. A king is no good without love neither can he be good without a little ego. Forgive me of this being a little vague to you.

Awesome blog under construction

I am happy to announce that all the crappy stuff has been unpublished and a new awesome blog is going to make way...stay tuned!